Awful vampires

I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry upon reading The Bargain Book Bin: An Open Letter to Stephanie Meyer (misspelling is theirs, not mine), but I suppose that's the point of Something Awful in the first place. I quote:

A mature vampire relationship includes a recognition of your partner's faults. Real vampires, sorry to say, are not cold and sculpted as stone, but cold and sculpted as a dead body reanimated through unspeakably demonic forces. Yes, I have a little mid-eternal life paunch developing. You think your own butt hasn't expanded as fast as your clean cut romance empire?

Confession: I want to see his open letter to J.K. Rowling. And maybe one to Neil Gaiman.